Friday, 5 August 2011

Diary of Another Man: The Hand of Hope [11/11/09]

On Wednesday, 11 November 2009, someone, somewhere, wrote...

I dreamt a hand, stretching to catch me.

In my dream, I could see the top of a high cliff. I was suspended in air.


Was I falling already? I was never one to be particularly attached to technicalities: my grip on reality is periodical at best — like a pendulum swinging, I am sometimes closer to it and some other times far too removed to care. But I always return to it, a strange force pulling me away and towards reality, as if I need it as much as I detest it.

So, without being able to establish whether I was indeed falling, all I could do was understand the fact that there was a hand there. Did I imagine it? What was it there for? Had I been saved before and why would I need any help now? The hand lay unshaken. I felt there was some kind of choice involved here. It would not come to me. It waited my own reaction: it was there but would not hold me of its own, without my own will. I had the option of taking the hand. Saving myself.

Saving myself?

What would salvation mean for me? A new reality? An escape? Merely a dream?

Instead, I chose the gravity of reality than the gravity of salvation. Opening my eyes, I saw not most mesmerizing dawn of my life, but a rainy morning. The cold was penetrating through my half-open window. Two A4 copies were swinging in motion -- the air surely being the culprit here -- but could not fall because a book was on top. Next to me, mankind's shame, mocking my existence: clothes, books, random unassorted things.

They say that our choices define who we are, becoming part of our identity. 

I stood up and walked through the door. I needed to wash my face and resume working on my latest essay.

The hand of hope lay rotting, as my dream escaped through the neurons of my brain — certainly freeing up some space for better, new thoughts. Or maybe perhaps I should have given it a hand; no pun intended...

This story is part of a diary series, which will unfold over the coming weeks and months.

This original work by Amadeus In Denial is licensed under a Creative Commons (Attribution Non-Commercial Share-Alike 3.0) License. All work created 2006-2011.
Creative Commons LicencePermissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at  http://musingsofavisionary.blogspot.com/p/creative-commons-notice.html.

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